Who Left These Two in Charge????

I think Anne Lamott said it best when she said that sometimes parenting feels "like babysitting in the Twilight Zone... waiting for the parents to show up because we are out of chips and Diet-Cokes."

I can relate.......




Sometimes I find myself looking around thinking, "Uh, where are the grown-ups? " and then I realize that WE are the grown-ups and reinforcements aren't coming. I find myself wishing someone would show up and tell me what to do. Never mind the fact that even if they did show up, I'm more likely to rebel than take their suggestions. But I am working on that.

All of this is on my mind because it feels like our lives have been turned upside down with the move and the job search. In the midst of all the uncertainty and stress, there is this small, innocent being (her name is Noa-- you may have heard of her...) who needs to take for granted that we don't lose our marbles and start doing crack or something.

If I weren't a mother, I might be handling this stress differently, probably by being a bit self-indulgent bordering on self-destructive. But as I write this, there is a baby asleep in her crib upstairs and I know that my days of putting myself first are over. I need to find creative solutions, be positive and (GULP!) ask for help.

The thing about asking for help is that when you do, YOU GET HELP and that is a good thing. I am not sure why I have preferred to walk through life so hell-bent on being lethally self-reliant, but I have criticized and judged myself when I couldn't do something on my own. I have moved couches up a flight of stairs on my own because I was too prideful to admit that maybe I couldn't do it by myself. I think and say things to myself that I would never dream of saying to a friend.

Or, the other thing I do is play it off like "Okay, if it will make YOU feel better to help, I will let you, so long as you understand that I really don't need it and I am just taking your help so that you can feel good (or in some cases, so that you will stop whining) ." I manage to turn taking help into my giving help by letting the person help.

That sounds a bit convoluted, but I think you follow me.

So where am I going with this?

The thing is, since I have been in Ann Arbor, the universe seems to be conspiring on my behalf and help is showing up and people have been extending themselves with opportunities and leads and tremendous support and generosity. And instead of meeting all this goodness with that maladaptive self-reliance, I am striving to meet it with gratitude, because it has been amazing, and just between you and me, I kinda like it. They say what you think about expands, and I want to make sure that I am turning my thoughts to good friends and good opportunities.

So I know that we are going to be okay, and more importantly, Noa is going to be okay. We can get our own chips and cokes.